User blog:Da Nerd/Vacation S1E4: Wiki Checkup
Wiki Checkup is episode 4 of season 1 of the blog series Vacation. It is the first special of season 1. Summary The gang take their first look at the wiki since they left, and find that things have already started to fall apart, and that a select few are juggling both trying to regain control and trying to figure out what happened. Transcript *''Da Nerd is at the hotel's mailbox section at the end of the hallway, putting a key into its respective mailbox. He turns the key and opens up the box, revealing a brown box air-holed package.'' *'Da Nerd:' Yes! *''Da Nerd takes the package out, closes the box and locks it, and runs back to the gang's room. He gets out the room key, opens the door, and bursts into the room.'' *'Ponyo:' Wb. *'Da Nerd:' Ty. *'Toph:' So, whatcha got there? *'Da Nerd:' Oh yeah. *''Da Nerd closes the door behind him and walks into the living room while taking his shoes off.'' *'Da Nerd:' You know how I had a goldfish, Nerri? *'Everyone:' Yeah. *'Da Nerd:' Well, I got my bro back in Minnesota to ship Nerri here! Anyone got some scissors? *'Everyone:' and looking around Nope. *'Da Nerd:' Screw it. *''Da Nerd rips open the package with his hand, revealing the betta fish container, which has Nerri in it.'' *'Da Nerd:' Ohhh Nerri I missed you so much. *'Simon:' You've only been here for 4 days. *'Da Nerd:' I know, but ughhhhh. I'm gonna put her in my room. *'Desu:' Ahem. *'Da Nerd:' Sorry, babe. *Mine and Desu's room. *'Desu:' Desu. *''Da Nerd brings the container into his and Desu's room, setting it down on the dresser. A few people come into the room behind him.'' *'Toph:' What is she even in? *'Ponyo:' Yeah, and why the hell does she need air holes? *'Da Nerd:' It's a betta container. As per Ponyo, fish need oxygen too. *'Ponyo:' Lolwut. *'Da Nerd:' They just do, okay? I'm gonna head to the store and get a fish bowl. See ya guys later. *'Everyone:' Bye. *''Da Nerd grabs his jacket and keys and walks out of the room.'' *'Suds:' Hey, when are we ever gonna actually check on the wiki? *'Toph:' Suds, shut up. You're not supposed to have any lines. *'Tanner:' Well, he does have a point. When are we gonna check on the wiki? *'Simon:' I dunno. When we feel like it. *'Desu:' I feel like it right now. *'Ponyo:' Same. *'Tanner:' Okay, let's do it. *''Ponyo gets out her laptop and sets it on the living room desk. She opens it up and opens the SpongeBob Fan Wiki recent activity page. Suds doesn't get a clear view, what with everyone blocking it.'' *'Toph:' Whoa. *'Simon:' I can already tell something's really messed up here. *'Ponyo:' What's this? *''Ponyo clicks on the link of a blog post posted by Seth.'' *'Ponyo:' "Hello members of SpongeBob Fan Wikia. As per the recent events that have happened on this site for the past few days, Seth has now committed suicide. Please resolve many of the issues here, so that other users will not feel the need to do so as well. -Seth's loving mother." *''Below the text is a picture of Seth hung from a ceiling fan.'' *'Toph:' Holy shit! *'Tanner:' Wait, scroll up. Look. "271 comments." *'Ponyo:' What the fuck? But this was posted just today! *''Ponyo scrolls down, and sees an array of controversial comments, many of which saying things like "haha you deserved it" or "finally". The only people in the comments that aren't complete assholes are Jelly, William Leonard, RamDarre, Teleram, Chris, etc.'' *'Desu:' Oh my God. *'Simon:' Can you just close that? I can't look at that anymore! *''Ponyo scrolls back up and brings up a full-screen view of the picture of Seth hung.'' *'Ponyo:' You mean this? *'Simon:' Yes, that! *''Simon blocks his face and starts retching.'' *''Eventually, he starts to vomit on the floor right by Suds.'' *'Ponyo:' What? A little blood and witnessing a suicide never hurt anyone. *''Ponyo closes the browser anyways.'' *''Toph looks at the time in the bottom-right corner of the screen.'' *'Toph:' Hey guys, it's 1. We haven't eaten anything yet. *'Simon:' Yeah, let's go check out the dining area at this place. *'Desu:' Uh, this place doesn't have a dining area. *'Tanner:' Dafuq? *'Ponyo:' What the hell kinda hotel doesn't have a dining area? *'Toph:' Whatever, we can get Dairy Queen or something. *''Toph gets out his phone.'' *'Toph:' Siri, where's the nearest Dairy Queen? *'Siri:' Searching for a Dairy Queen near you... the closest Dairy Queen is 16 miles away. *'Ponyo:' I am not driving 16 fucking miles to get to Dairy Queen and back. *'Toph:' Ugh, okay. Siri, where's the nearest Burger King? *'Siri:' Searching for a Burger King near you... the closest Burger King is 4 miles away. *'Tanner:' Look for a McDonald's. *'Toph:' Siri, where's the nearest McDonald's? *'Siri:' Searching for a McDonald's near you... the closest McDonald's is 2 miles away. *'Toph:' Okay, we're going to McDonald's. *''Toph (back seat right), Tanner (passenger seat), Ponyo (driver seat), Desu (back seat left) and Simon (back seat middle) get into Ponyo's car and Ponyo starts driving to McDonald's. Suds is running out of the hotel and chasing the car.'' *'Suds:' Guys, you forgot me! *'Tanner:' No we didn't! *''Tanner throws a page from a newspaper out the window.'' *'Suds:' But-- *''Suds gets whacked in the face with the page. He walks angrily back inside the hotel.'' *''to inside hotel, by the gang's room'' *''Suds helplessly jingles on the doorknob, but it won't open. He slumps down, and a few moments later Da Nerd comes, holding a goldfish bowl.'' *'Da Nerd:' Oh hey Suds. *''Da Nerd gets out his key and opens the door. He goes inside and notices that everyone is gone.'' *'Da Nerd:' Hey, where is everyone? *'Suds:' They all went to McDonald's. *'Da Nerd:' Without you? *'Suds:' Yep. *'Da Nerd:' Well that wasn't really nice. *''Da Nerd puts his key on the wall by the door and closes the door. Suds slumps down on the floor by the wall. After putting the his fish bowl in the bathroom, Da Nerd returns and slumps with him.'' *'Suds:' I'm just the seventh wheel, aren't I? *'Da Nerd:' ...Yeah, pretty much. *'Suds:' I bet they're not even gonna bring back food for--wait, what the hell did you just say? *'Da Nerd:' Nothing. *'Suds:' Oh. I must be hearing things; I've probably developed voices in my head because no real person would ever talk to me. *'Da Nerd:' That's not true. I'm talking to you right now, aren't I? *''Suds stands up.'' *'Suds:' That's because you were forced to. If there were 5 other people in this room right now, who would you rather talk to? *'Da Nerd:' Well, I'm sorry Suds. I didn't realize we've been kinda ignoring you. *''Da Nerd stands up to comfort Suds.'' *'Da Nerd:' I promise, we'll do a better job of acknowledging you. Okay? *'Suds:' Okay. *'Da Nerd:' Feel better now? *'Suds:' Yeah, I guess. *'Da Nerd:' Okay. *'Suds:' Hey, wanna go see what the wiki's been up to? *'Da Nerd:' Yeah, sure. *''Suds opens up Ponyo's already-logged-in laptop and opens the browser. Typing in "sponge" already brings up the suggestion "spongefan.wikia.com/wiki/Special:WikiActivity". He clicks on it.'' *'Da Nerd:' Whoa. *''Suds scrolls down and in the "blog posts" section is a blog post by Seth titled "Seth's Suicide".'' *'Da Nerd:' bit freaked out Okay... himself down I bet this is just another one of Seth's pointless blog posts. *''Suds just shakes his head no and clicks on it. Da Nerd reads the message put on there and vomits into the trash can under the desk instantly after seeing the picture.'' *'Da Nerd:' Appetizing. *'Suds:' Yeah. And look at this. "317 comm"-- *'Da Nerd:' HOLY SHEEIT! *'Suds:' Yeah. *''Suds scrolls down and sees everything that everyone else had already seen, and then some.'' *'Da Nerd:' Okay, well not everyone's insane. I mean, Jelly's doing his best to censor everything, and William and Ram are blocking everyone. *'Suds:' But for the most part... this wiki is being completely obliterated, and the only people who can actually do something about it are going to McDonald's. *''They sit in silence for a moment.'' *'Voice on computer:' quitely Avast! virus database has been updated. *''advertisements'' *'Da Nerd:' So what are we gonna do? *'Suds:' I dunno. The experiment called for us to not tamper with anything regarding the wiki for the next 6 months. We can't do anything about it. *'Da Nerd:' Then the wiki will be gone in a matter of weeks, if not days! *'Suds:' Let's just have some faith in the people who have already kept the wiki in control up until now. And I bet they'll find some replacements for us 7 who left. *'Da Nerd:' Yeah. Okay. *''A key turning is audible, and the 5 other members of the gang come in.'' *'Ponyo:' keys on wall Oh hey Da Nerd. *'Da Nerd:' Ahem. *''Da Nerd gestures over to Suds, who smiles back at him.'' *'Ponyo:' Oh yeah, hey Suds. *'Suds:' Hey. *'Da Nerd:' Did you get any food for us? *'Toph:' Oh no, sorry. *'Suds:' You didn't!? *'Simon:' Nope. *'Desu:' That's not entirely true. Remember how we stopped at that one Asian drive-thru and I got two orders of sesame chicken? That's for you guys. *''Desu looks over at Da Nerd and Suds.'' *'Da Nerd & Suds:' Aw thanks. *'Desu:' No problem. You each owe me $7.60, by the way. *'Da Nerd:' Can it be paid off with smexy? *'Desu:' Yeah, but only for you. *'Da Nerd:' Suds Nothing personal, it's just that she's my girlfriend and... *'Suds:' Yeah, I get it. Completely understand. *'Desu:' Suds, get me the money as soon as you can. Take as much time as you need. *'Suds:' Okay. *''Da Nerd and Suds bring their boxes of chicken over to the table in the middle of the room, get out some plastic forks, and start eating the chicken.'' *''Meanwhile, Toph goes into the refrigerator and pulls out a donut.'' *'Simon:' Toph, what are you doing? *'Toph:' Getting a donut. *'Simon:' You just ate. *'Toph:' I didn't eat that much. *'Simon:' You had 2 hamburgers, 93% of our large fries, 3 cherry pies and a McFlurry. *'Toph:' Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was 2 apple pies and 1 cherry. And I'm just having the donut as a snack, relax. *''Toph closes the refrigerator. Da Nerd and Suds finish eating their chicken and throw the boxes in the garbage. Da Nerd goes into the bathroom and begins filling the fish bowl with water.'' *'Da Nerd:' Hey guys, where's the thermostat? *'Toph:' It's on the wall by Laz and Ponyo's room. *'Da Nerd:' Okay, thanks. *''Da Nerd checks the thermostat, which reads 69 degrees. He can't help but chuckle a little, and brings the fish bowl over to the temperature modifier. He sets the modifier to 69 degrees, and lets it sit. takes place in the future, so who knows - this could actually be made. After a few moments, he takes the fish bowl and places it on his dresser next to the betta container. He then reaches into his jacket pocket, pulls out a container full of rocks, and pours them into the bowl. He then opens up Nerri's betta container, and puts it into the bowl. He lets it tilt, which Nerri feels comfortable to go out into the bowl, leading Da Nerd to bring the container back onto the dresser, put the lid back on, and put it in Da Nerd's bag. Nerri is happy and comfortable swimming in the new bowl, which Da Nerd just then peels the sticker off. He comes out into the living room, which everyone is in watching TV.'' *'Da Nerd:' Hey guys, wanna come see Nerri? It'll be the first time you see her in real life. *'Desu:' I'll come. *'Toph:' Me too. *'Suds:' I guess. *'Simon:' Sure. *'Tanner:' I'll pass. *'Ponyo:' Me too. *''The 4 that agreed follow Da Nerd into his and Desu's room and crowd around Nerri's bowl. She waves at everyone and swims away. They softly "aw".'' *'Simon:' Hey, what is this made out of? *''Simon pokes the bowl.'' *''Da Nerd grabs Simon's finger.'' *'Da Nerd:' Don't do that! You'll scare her. *'Simon:' Sorry. *''Toph points at something in the bowl.'' *'Toph:' Hey, what's that? *'Da Nerd:' confused ''Oh... I don't know. Looks kinda familiar. *''Nerri looks back at everyone with a concerned look on her face. She then goes to comfort the unidentified object. Just then, it is shown that the object is Nerri's child. *'Suds:' Is that her... baby? *'Da Nerd:' I think so. *''Everyone throws out questions, all of them having the context of "what are you gonna name the baby".'' *'Da Nerd:' I don't know yet! *''Everyone then overlaps suggestions.'' *'Da Nerd:' Stop! I'll think about it, okay? It took an entire 13 minutes for me to come up with Nerri. Go. *''Everyone but Desu goes back to the living room. Desu jumps onto the bed and turns on the TV.'' *'Desu:' So what are you gonna name her? *'Da Nerd:' I'm thinking Terri. *'Desu:' Cool. *''The camera gets a close up shot of Nerri comforting Terri.'' *''Da Nerd gets close to the bowl, in slight shot of the camera.'' *'Da Nerd:' soothingly Hey Terri. Welcome to Earth. Your mom's gonna take real good care of ya, and I'm gonna take real good care of your mom. Don't you worry. Everything in the world is gonna be fine. *''The camera zooms into Terri. After a few moments, it cuts back to a full shot of the room.'' *'Desu:' That's just creepy. *''ends'' Category:Blog posts Category:Vacation (series) Category:Episodes